Your Family Matters   

"Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you."   --Robert Fulghum (author of All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten)

Growing up you may have heard your parents say, “Do as I say, not as I do.” As a child, I understood that to mean ‘do as you’re told.”  As an adult I can see that my parents were telling me that they might not always be the best role models, so try to follow the ideals in the words.

What principles do you believe in?  How well do you live them?  Kids are experts at knowing when what we say and what we do are out of sync. There are many expressions that speak to this – talk is cheap, walk the talk, lead by example, actions speak louder than words.

The next time you find yourself talking to your child about values and attitudes, ask yourself, “Where am I in my commitment to these values?  Am I expecting a better attitude from my children than I do from myself?”  If you are prepared to hear some honest feedback, you might ask your child what he or she sees.  This could be a wonderful opportunity to learn about yourself and inspire your child as you work toward being the best parent and person you can be.  If the truth is one of your priorities, this is indeed ‘walking the talk.’

"There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work and learning from failure."  - General Colin L. Powell
 
Do you value success AND failure?
 
In our "achievement culture" we may teach our children to avoid failure (or anything that has the possibility of netting less than the perfect result).  Success boosts our spirit and may give us a glimpse of our potential; however, failure is also a gift.  It tests us and our character, giving us the opportunity to pick ourselves up and begin anew.  Real success comes from having the courage to go for your best, again.  This is how self-esteem is developed, from the inside out.
 
How willing are you to model this for your children?  You cannot expect your children to do things that you are avoiding.  Look back at a 'failure' in your life that had meaning for you.  What did you realize from it?  How are you at sharing these experiences with your family?
 
You can inspire your children by sharing your struggles with them.  Children know you only as the people you are today.  They do not know what it took for you to reach your level of achievement and sense of purpose.  They cannot imagine reaching your level of accomplishment as they muddle through their teen years.
 
Teach your children that struggles and obstacles are normal and valuable as they search for their place in the world.
 

"A man can't make a place for himself in the sun if he keeps taking refuge under the family tree."   - Helen Keller
 
Sometimes the branches of that family tree reach down and grab onto a child... and never let go!   As a parent, one of the most challenging things you may ever have to do is let go of your child. 
 
You have been guiding, teaching, nurturing, and protecting your child for many years.  Begin the process of letting go by acknowledging that you have taught her all the things she needs to know.  Her journey towards her life's potential belongs to her now.  She will build on the strengths she knows.  She will also discover new strengths and courage as she works through obstacles.
 
And what about you and your potential?  Did it go into hiding during those years of raising your family?  Now is the time to tease it out.  For some, this may be the first time you consider who you are outside of your family.
 
Enjoy this process of rediscovering yourself, your gifts and your purpose.  It is in each and every one of you.
 
Come out from under the family tree.